I've had enough!

To the one reading this: this post was written a long time ago when the writer is in her battered blues.

Why posting? I just want to make a backup of what I had written a long time ago and looking back again on how I am able to overcome it with all the helps of GOD.

For this past week, my head is in a jam, inside I am battling emotionally try to systematize the matter of messed in my life. If I look back to where it started I do not even know how, how I even caught dead pan and unreasonably dwell on it. Though, I know I will continue to suffer from it, but not beefy enough to runaway, runaway so fast. It seems that I was in a cage battling for my life to escape or not I will definitely dead on the spot. Few days had passed and everything surge so slickly like a wind goes in a right direction, without telling you where to go. I can deeply breathe now and take a fresh of breath air without blocking it in my lungs".


The whole thing now is all in control, lucky enough there is one human being who believes in me, continue to love, and care for me despite with so many obstacles that are coming through in between each days, he extent his hand to gave the comfort I need, even though I am in deeply messed. He stood beside me and give me the audacity, the forte, and the words that keep me going "Hindi naman kita iiwan", those words are sufficient for me to stand-up and continue to believe in myself "na kaya ko 'to".

At the time being, he was like an angel sent from up above to be my shining armor in the midst of adversity and from the billows of deep agony. He rescued me from the wars of angels and put me in a haven where I can rest and for a moment forgot all the twinge that had had set on.

After all the odds that I passed through, I was on a battlefield again. I, myself am in confusion, again, but I'm trying not to be messed up again by another relationship. My mind is full enough and can't conceive more to be drawn from too many ordeals. Albeit, another one shadow is following behind me and trying to be a part of my messy life" ha ha ha. please. Enough!

(The shining armor of mine left too and can't stand in time when we face battlefield in our relationship. I always fooled around by false promises, flowery words, and become to trusting without even giving a benefit of the doubt to my partner.)

originally written on 2007/4/3

I have made it a rule never to be with a person ten minutes without trying to make him happier. --Various Attributions

Facing the truth

Sometimes we got to know our fears and face it, no matter how crucial it is, how painful it was. We have to face the truth and be courageous.

Loving someone is okay but sometimes we have to face that the person we love, doesn't love us the way we love them and it doesn't mean we have to push around the bush and insist yourselves to them. For every rope there is an end.

So you have to face the fact that you are not the owner of this world. Fighting for the love you have for that person it isn't bad, as long as the person loving you the same way but if you only fighting for your own feelings (don't be selfish my dear, let him/her go). He/she doesn't love YOU! That's why he/she didn't fight for you too.

Open your eyes to the reality that there is no "One Sided Love Affair" it's always "two hearts beat together as one." It's hard to accept the truth but the truth would truly set you free, and as the saying goes 'if you love someone set him free.'

Stand with your principile don't live with your own emotions, we have senses. Let use our senses and don't throw the ball on your neighbor. Stop barking at the wrong tree. Don't let others take your responsibility which is simply your own predicament.

Think twice then think deeper the consequences you get in. Maybe YOU alone are the sole responsible and not the others.

Ciao!

Toxic life

What is toxic that we do not see but we feel, and thoroughly affect the lives of many people? I read a book that really enlightens me and open my eyes to reality (sorry, it's not that I do not want to share the book but I have not yet the permission)" those toxic that I am referring to is our PROBLEM that we face through our daily lives. Why did I say its toxic, actually it is not actually toxic if we do not absorb it and be affected by it", 'cause the moment we absorbed the problem the toxicty came in our spirity, in our mind, and in our soul we start to think about it and get worried.

Sometimes not only the problem is the cause of toxic inside us, but the negative words that we heard and we started to absorb. The moment we hear negative feedbacks, then bad thoughts, bad feelings come, and then you dwell on it on a daily basis.

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Every day you live battered, feeling ambiguous, perplexed, weary.


Sometimes we put in a situation was we think it's complicated, it's put too much pressure on us especially when our boss always finds a mistake in everything we do, but if you iron it into something positive then you will see they are just the fire and you are the gold that purify into perfection, is not wonderful because we are being molded to perfection without paying too much cost.

Put ourselves in a situation when someone thinks of something bad for you, of course our first impression is badly too, but at that moment we do not certainly think that we started to let the toxins coming in inside you to destroy the wholeness of your being. If we think first that every bad thing we heard, we think or we say is a toxic waste that ruins us the infinite divinity of our being, then you will not allow it to happen. Who in the universe destroys their own being if they KNOW that they feed the toxic waste that can harm them.

Yes, we are not perfect enough that we cannot think anything bad or cannot absorb it the moment we heard negative ones, but then we can actually avoid it or disentangled ourselves into it. We always think that we are given the freedom to choose what life we want to live. Another is just part of this big circle that we call WORLD.

We cannot surpass the other because we are born made equally. (LORI E.)

The choice to live the happy life is depend on our hands, on our decision not on others shoulders. They are part of us that continue to spice our lives not to put the burden on us, but to exist into a deeper meaning of life.

Ciao!